Women, Save Your Sorries

My good friend Lori provided this first bit of advice to me in college.  She stressed that women apologize more than men, to the point where she declared that it’s almost become a reflex.  That did not settle well with me because of course after hearing this bit of wisdom I was struck by the amount of times I caught myself saying it.  Just a single day at the office was the most egregious.  If I had to grab something off the printer and get past someone--sorry, or had to delay the lunch line to sort change out of my wallet--sorry, and the list goes on. 

Lori has always been a very independent and self-sufficient woman who has a demanding career in finance.  She said it’s a sign of weakness to say sorry so much in a male-dominated field, pointing out men rarely say sorry so why should she?  Lori will only say the “s” word when it’s crucial to do so, let’s say if someone’s crying or deeply offended.  But, that rarely happens with her.  If she does something regrettable she’ll show remorse and admit to her wrongdoing, but rarely does she throw out a simple “sorry”.  I’ve found that this has the reverse effect that one would think.  Saying sorry so much almost diminishes its meaning whereas just owning up to something and changing your behavior afterwards is far more effective.  Women today are so effusive in their “sorries”.  Being sorry for everything and anything is pointless.  I cannot tell you the amount of voicemail greetings that I get that say “sorry I missed your call” and none of them are by men.  Why be sorry you missed my call?  There’s a higher likelihood that you were doing something more important and it doesn’t offend me in the slightest so don’t feel bad.  Don’t get me wrong, when the situation calls for it one doesn’t have to be as extreme as Lori and never say the word, but at least show a little restraint.  Try to save your sorries for when it’s really necessary and the rest of the time live without any regret or remorse.  To me, a sorry is the first sign of this and the last thing a woman needs is to chip away at her confidence.